Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
