why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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