Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
