i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
