Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
