I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Randomize
