6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
