nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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