So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
