well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize