I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
