you have to choose: penises or morals?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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