Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
