I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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