Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize