i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He shit in the fireplace
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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