She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
