I just saw a hot homeless man
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
