You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
