why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
