are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
