What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
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