that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
There r osticjed everywhere
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
