Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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