My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
