you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize