Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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