Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
