maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
