you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
