so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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