I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
i believe in u and ur pee
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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