You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
