I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
