Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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