Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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