we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
