think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize