How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
