mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
