party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
