you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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