I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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