He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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