dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
