Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
