It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
