Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
