it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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