There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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