shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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