fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
