ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
