omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
