You really coming over, don't trick.
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize