i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Alive.
So much puke
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
