Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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