Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize