yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
