Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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