May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
