you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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