you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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