So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
