I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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