I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Still dying that you shit outside
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize