I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
