Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
