I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
