Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize