First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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