Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
