Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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