What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
