Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Found your dick twin last night
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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