Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
