FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
