Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
