My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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