Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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