i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
If I die, sorry about rent.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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