I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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