I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
