thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Help. Why am I so naked?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
