I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
