I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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