thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
only if we run a train.
done.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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