The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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