Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
