loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
