It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
