I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
