Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
