Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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