We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
