Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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