I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
