I'm jealous of your bromance
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
sex in a hospital.. check
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
