i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
