I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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