and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
