I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
